FROM HEAD TO HEART

...What the Initiation Was About (for me)

 The Impossible Dream, Man of La Mancha

September 19, 2007

"...That seems like an obvious question with an obvious answer but there are those who prefer to dream and not to do.  Dreaming creates a sense of longing and desire, which in itself is an addictive energy.  Dreaming lets you always hold it outside of you, never truly having to take responsibility.  Dreaming is a very – how can I say – a dreamy energy, a soft and fluffy energy.  You dream all of these wonderful things but can you go beyond being a dreamer and be a creator?  Bring it into these realms on Earth.  That is why you are here.  You came to Earth to do it, to manifest it in the densest energy ever known.

So, Saint-Germain, by asking you... if you choose to be initiated, was asking you “Do you choose to go beyond dreaming and to manifest and to do it and to take responsibility for it?”  Not to have him or I, Tobias, do it for you, but to do it yourself.

Of course, it brought up issues.  The surface issue, if you were to look at it, is about your past lives in Orders. [Audrey says:  This describes perfectly the dynamics of my birth family – 15 of us – and my struggle with letting go of them in this lifetime to move on, spiritually.]  As Saint-Germain said you were thrown out, you were asked to leave.  But you were asked to leave, not because you had done wrong - even though that’s what you had felt in your heart – you were asked to leave because you had outgrown it, because the elders of those Orders, working with angelic Beings on our side, knew that you were stagnating your energy by staying within the Order. You were suppressing your own growth. You’d gone beyond what the Order could give you and even beyond what you could give back to the Order. So you were asked to leave – go out on your own – so that you could become your own sovereign Order first.

So when Saint-Germain talked about the initiation, it brought up all of those images, all of those remembrances from the past about being asked to leave.

But also what was really going on, and some of the very difficult issues, the buttons that were getting pushed, were about “Are you ready to go beyond dreaming and wishing and hoping?  Are you willing to go beyond some of this creative work - and creator work - that you do during your sleep state, that you do in some of these astral realms, are you willing to bring it into Earth now?”  That is a difficult question.

It takes a different type of human angel being to go beyond the dreams and really let it manifest here on Earth, because then it becomes very obvious.  Once you begin manifesting it and bringing it into your reality, it’s right in front of you.  So there are all the questions about “Am I a good enough creator?”  Or, “Am I too good of a creator?”  Are you such a good creator that you make a joke about moving heaven and earth and the next thing you know there’s a tremendous storm outside of your house that nearly rips your house and all the trees down?  That makes you think twice about your ability, your capability as a creator.

So he was pushing your buttons saying “Are you for real?  Are you for real or are you just going to continue dreaming about it?”  [Audrey says:  I had to prove I was 'for real' time and time again by refusing to give up on my dream of realizing my Sovereignty in this lifetime.]  Tough issues.  Tough issues.

He talked also the fact that if you choose the initiation, if you choose to become a Standard of the Order of the Crimson Circle [teaching angelic order], that you would now have a correspondent....A correspondent is going to be perhaps what you would say, a teacher’s aide, a helper that you have, specifically in your teaching work...."

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