FROM HEAD TO HEART

It took me about a week and a half to balance and stabilize the expanded New Energy I experienced with the September 18, 2007 Quantum Leap.  When I placed my attention on where my consciousness is now located, it felt like I was being blown about by hurricane force winds.  Physically, I felt pretty stable except for the evening I got caught walking along the seashore after dark.  With very few visual cues to guide me, I started lurching about like a drunk!  Very ungrounded.  It was hilarious and a bit unnerving ... I felt that at any moment I could 'lift off'.

Soon after that I read,

"Your talents and divine gifts are hidden behind the inspiration that you feel for creating your own divine masterpiece in the physical world. Your essence, your divine signature, must be grounded into earth in a palpable way for matter to respond to your desires." –Lauren Gorgo

and I knew that before continuing my exploration of the New Energy, I needed to "ground my divine signature into Earth", and so I spent the next few days GROUNDING .... feeling myself rooted in New Earth.  It didn't take long, and it didn't take much to gain a new stability in the New Energy.

On the heels of Celia Fenn's 'Energies for October' and her Earth Log of October 8, 2007 in which she again discusses the Magdalena Grid, and Veenaa Saynana's article, The Magdalena Grid, I realized more was required of me to 'commit to' or 'anchor in' the New Energy (as part of my Earth Mission).  I realized that I had to consciously connect to and integrate the Magdalena Grid into my field and form (which no doubt many Lightworkers are doing to help anchor it on Earth).  So I spent much of yesterday afternoon, evening and night ... only sleeping in fits and starts .... doing just that, imagining that the Magdalena Grid overlaid my physical form and that I was plugged into it .... and consciously connecting with the Magdalena consciousness.

Not surprisingly, I awoke with a 'fuzzy' head this morning which developed into a mild headache by mid-afternoon.  As well, my computer (which I consider a metaphor for myself) was having trouble connecting to the inter-'net', a sure indication of new energy downloading.  To help facilitate the process I gracefully powered down my computer and fell into bed to integrate it.

I called in my ascension technicians, angels and guides to help me 'open to' and move the downloading energy.  As they went to work, I started mulling over the 'emotional' component of what was 'up'.

Again, it came down to survival issues.  To recap; I'm in the same position as many 'Lightworkers'.... unplugged from the old Energy Matrix but not yet fully plugged into the new one.  What that means in layman's terms is that I have no way of generating income the 'old' way and am not yet 'online' to create it in the 'new' way.  As scary as it is, everything is in divine order with this serving to deepen my trust in the process and my ability to surrender.

I began to think of what it would feel like to be fully 'online' with the Magdalena Grid ... to feel Feminine Empowerment.  The only thing I could come up with is what I believe I will 'no longer feel'.  And that is .... 'impotent' and 'unclear'. 

The impotency issue came up again over the weekend when my daughter and I  were preparing a Thanksgiving dinner for friends without a 'home' to go to, to celebrate, and I had little money to contribute to the production.

So after reading,

What is occurring now holds every lesson that you need to learn at this moment. When you have moved past this experience it will cease to exist for you and others will come to take its place. –Jennifer Hoffman

I decided to delve behind the physical sensations that impotency brought up in my body.  By placing my attention or consciousness 'behind' the physical sensation in my body, I soon discovered a feeling of shame.

With the discovery of 'shame' came the realization that ever since childhood I've been trying to hide the shame of financial lack which from my childhood is very much associated with my being female.  It was an EUREKA! moment.

That's why I haven't been able to rid myself of it.... financial lack.  Because I've never accepted it (Lesson No. One in the Ascension Process – you have to come to an acceptance of EVERYTHING in your life ... the good, the bad and the ugly) .... because of the shame!

I further realized that for me, 'it'.... female = financial lack = lesser than = impotent = shame .... epitomizes the old Energy and the old patriarchal system based on competition that we are leaving behind. 

I realized I had nothing to be ashamed of!  It's just the old energy, old story, old hypnosis that I had accepted as truth, as reality.

All I needed to do was to accept this .... the subtitle of the old Energy ... 'the suppression and negation of the feminine', and say, "Yup, I've been embodying and living the imbalance of the old Energy," and there is no way this imbalance is going to be corrected in the old Energy way ..... drum roll ....

AND, hence the desire ... the need, to consciously connect to the Magdalena Grid as I 'consciously' disengage from the old, imbalanced, patriarchal grid.

For the FIRST time, I FEEL like I don't NEED money.  The need for lots and lots of money was always to mask the shame! .... the shame of being female and, therefore, 'lesser than' and 'lacking'.  I wanted money so I would feel (in the old Energy world based on competition) 'equal to' and as 'powerful as' the glorified masculine.

Don't get me wrong, I would still LOVE to have lots and lots of money but the 'LOVE to have' now has a giggle behind it .... like, wow, wouldn't it be a hoot to experience THAT!

So, to further recap, we have been 'between' grids .... 'off-line' the old Energy Matrix but not yet fully 'on-line', the New.  In that 'in-between' stage, nothing was being generated .... for me, because as part of my Earth Mission, I needed to clear this internalized feminine shame resulting from the old, imbalanced, patriarchal matrix based on competition.

As I begin to come 'on-line' the Magdalena Grid, and as the Magdalena Grid is 'booted up', in general, on the Planet, it will be interesting to see what 'materializes'.  I will keep you posted as my adventures in the New Energy continues.

As an aside:  several years ago my ability 'to hear in the field' suddenly and inexplicably shut down (although I can 'hear' in the 'field' for others) and my guides have since, for the most part, used other people's written word as a means of guiding me.  Hence, my keen interest in knowing what other's are saying ... my ability to distill large volumes of information and grasp the big picture, and .... hence, this website.

Post Script

New Energy Observation:  This unfolded unbelievably fast today (October 9, 2007) with what I downloaded and integrated and am now writing about all in the span of 24 hours!  Unheard of for me as a clairsentient.

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